By Fr Stephan Alexander
General Manager, CCSJ
Thursday, January 16, 2025 was an extremely important day in my spiritual journey with God. On that day I was blessed with the grace of learning from a decision to trust God even after I had earlier failed to discern His voice speaking through my body.
Normally an early riser, my eyes opened at 7 a.m. on that fateful morning. Mind you, I had a 9 a.m. doctor’s appointment in Port of Spain and I live in La Horquetta.
Anxiety set in immediately. I panicked as I thought of the traffic awaiting me on the Churchill Roosevelt Highway. I chastised myself for oversleeping as thoughts of missing this important appointment invaded my mind.
Another thought floating around my mind somehow celebrated the fact that I never oversleep, yet this wasn’t true. Not today, and not two days earlier, I had also overslept and was late for morning prayer and Mass. I had been ignoring the signs of fatigue, and my body was now shouting at me to rest.
My response to this stressful situation was a swift turn to God. “Jesus, make a way for me to reach on time”, was my prayer as I rushed to get ready.
During my drive into town, I repeated this prayer especially in moments of standstill traffic. One such moment occurred at 8.15 a.m., when my anxiety was at its apex, as I sat in my car, in the vicinity of Piarco Plaza, in motionless traffic. This time, I added “please” to that prayer, as a tense feeling overcame me, and my heart rate began to dramatically increase.
After this genuine yet panicked plea to Jesus, a miracle took place. I can’t tell you when the traffic dispersed or where the cars ahead of me went, all I know is God answered my prayer.
I parked outside my doctor’s office at 8.48 a.m. and made my way to the reception area by 8.50 a.m. to announce my arrival. I was overcome with joy and at the same time felt proud of myself due to my early arrival.
These feelings of joy and pride quickly dissipated as the receptionist responded to my greeting with an apology. “Father”, she said in a slightly terrified tone, “I’m sorry but doctor had an emergency and isn’t coming in today. I tried to contact all his patients, but it seems I forgot to call you.”
Discerning His will
As I stood there absorbing the receptionist’s words, my initial frustration was replaced by a profound realisation and a calming smile glossed over my face. I recognised that in my rush to get to this appointment, I had focused entirely on what I wanted: to arrive on time and see the doctor.
I had fervently prayed for God to make a way, yet I had never paused to consider what God wanted for me in that moment. I never asked God’s opinion.
Reflecting on the events of the morning, it became clear that God had been speaking through my body long before this day, urging me to rest. Yet, instead of listening and calling to reschedule the appointment, I ignored the signs and continued to push myself, insisting on my agenda rather than discerning His.
This tendency to dictate our desires to God, rather than seeking His will, can prevent us from doing justice—not only to ourselves but to others.
When we fail to listen to God’s voice, we overlook the deeper wisdom He offers, which is often centred on restoring balance, healing, and harmony. In my case, I was so focused on my plan that I neglected my body’s cry for rest and recovery. By extension, this neglect could have impacted my ability to serve others effectively, as fatigue clouds judgement and diminishes our capacity to act with compassion and clarity.
Justice begins with humility—a willingness to trust in God’s timing and direction rather than imposing our own. It demands that we listen deeply, not only to God but also to the signs He places in our lives, whether through our bodies, circumstances, or the voices of others.
When we align our desires with His will, we open ourselves to a life marked by true justice: a life that reflects His love, peace, and purpose.
On that day, God taught me an invaluable lesson. Trusting Him goes beyond asking for what we want. It requires seeking what He wants for us—and in doing so, finding the strength and grace to live justly in every area of life.
